Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
