we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
