I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
