no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
