i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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