The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
