i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
