Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
