i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
