Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
