so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
