I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
