please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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