I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So vagazzling was a success
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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