they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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