Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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