Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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