I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
