she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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