I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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