Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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