i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
