my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
