you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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