Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Alive.
So much puke
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
