It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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