I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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