Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
