you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
