I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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