well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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