She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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