Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
