I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
