First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
