my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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