nut hugger
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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