I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
