remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
