It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
