Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
