Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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