last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
