my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
