I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
