I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
