i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
