I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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