Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
