last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
