I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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