I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
