Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
