Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I looked at my own cervix.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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