Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
