No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
