i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
