Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
