Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
