I hate all girls vehemently.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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