How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
