So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
