You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
